Tonight with you was like a dream. Ironic, though, as the early evening started as a nightmare. You cried and cried as you followed me around the kitchen while dinner preparation was in full gear. You disapproved of your meal, choked on a carrot, and received a bruised leg as we tried to quickly pull you out of your seat to help. Yes, this was definitely an early-bedtime night. I took you upstairs to settle down before laying you into your crib. And in the soft glow of your nightlight, we rocked.
Not one of my babies has been a rock-me-to-sleep baby. But you sat there with me, still, and let me rock you. And I was happy. I hummed a favorite lullaby, over and over, for fear that if I stopped you would become restless and want the rocking to end. But when I did finally stop, you seemed content just to sit with me.
You jibberred and jabberred about the musings of your day; you practiced your wave of hi and goodbye; you pointed at everything you could see in the dim light, all while we rocked. With your head on my shoulder, we rocked and rocked.
And when you turned to face me, I put my lips on your soft cheek and kissed you again and again until you turned away, letting me know that you had enough. I will never have enough kisses from you.
I whispered, "I love you," and you whispered back. Not an "I love you, mommy" but I was sure that's what you meant. Then you pinched my neck - not too hard, but just enough to make me giggle out loud. You froze at the sound; but then, curious, you pinched again, and waited to hear. And I giggled again, over and over, until I took your hand away, letting you know I had enough.
But I kept my hand on that sweet, soft, chubby hand of yours, and caressed it as my heart fell deeper in love.
Soon we were joined by your big brother, who upon seeing us happily rocking, wanted to rock too. Daddy helped him in on the other side of my lap, and the three of us rocked and rocked.
It was over too quickly - the two of you can't seem to remember how to whisper when you're together. But I left your room with a big smile on my face. I love how you can make me smile.
So tonight, my little love, I thank you for the reminder of how I love to be a mother.
This gorgeous picture was taken by my dear friend from Shelly Geller Photography. Oh, how I miss you, Michelle!
6 comments:
I was talking with a friend yesterday who was telling me a comment from her mother that "Mothers don't get many payoffs"- she disagreed saying her teenager had sat on her bed and talked with her for a half hour and that was all the payoff she ever needed. I have thought a lot about those two perspectives. I think you side with the second, and that is such a perfect way to live.
Love you Kim. You're a great mother.
I Love you Kim, I love this post. I love your heart. I miss you too. SO much. I can't wait to come and visit:) Thank you thank you for your sweet email. When I come down, I will fill you in on just exactly why you got the prompting to email me that day. Thank you for listening to the Holy Ghost and taking time to remember me and email me. I love ya.
Michelle
That was poetic and beautiful. And that picture is, yes, to die for!
I finally got on your blog today and read your story. I cried through the whole thing like only a mother who relates to every word could do. All while little Dax was trying to cry himself to sleep for his morning nap. I shut my computer, went in and rocked him to sleep and loved every minute. Thanks for a little perspective! Love you Sis!
Keri
What a beautiful post! You have such a lovely way with words. It makes me wish there had been blogs when my kids were little (I should have kept a more detailed journal!). And now my kids are too big to sit with me in the rocking chair. So I relish in the heart to heart talks and the mother-child dates (or even time spent together in a car). Time goes too quickly. Enjoy each and every day!
This reminds me of so many nights with Dean....being a mom is the absolute best. You're a great mom, Kim!
Post a Comment