Everybody's Good for Something

So if you know me at all, you know what my opinion is of lawyers. I've worked with lawyers since graduating from court reporting school at the age of 19. I loathe them. Well, most of them. And if you know my dad at all, you know that his opinion of lawyers hasn't helped how I view them. He literally hates them. And my dad doesn't hate ANYONE. I've worked with many a slimeball attorney here in town, and in this town we're not lacking for slimeball attorneys.

I've had attorneys eyeball me during depositions, and hit on me during breaks. I've even had attorneys have conversations with me about my husband and children, and then STILL ask me out to lunch or to "show them around town" before they fly home. And worst of all, I've had an attorney actually do a google search for my name (which is on the transcripts), and call me at home to "flirt" or see if I was willing to see him sometime. Yuck. I was so taken aback, I didn't even think to tell him what I thought of him. I was just polite and said, "I'm sorry, Mr. So-and-so, is there something regarding the case that I can help you with? If not, I've really got to go and tend to my kids." Weirdo.

I've watched attorneys verbally attack deponents, lose their tempers and slam fists on the tables while screaming and shouting at everyone in the room, and I've listened while they make phone calls to "brag" about how they tricked someone after everyone else leaves the room. I've been a witness to how they lie, cheat, and worm their way around the system to get what they want. I find them disgusting.

Now, I know I can't blanketly categorize ALL attorneys this way. I have also worked with some very nice gentlemen, who seem to be doing what they can to fight for justice for people who have been wronged. But some part of me always feels like even the nice guys aren't really what they seem; and if they were to find a way around the cold, hard truth for an outcome in their favor, they'd take it. I'm just very leery of them, and I don't fully trust them.

That being said, I've also known a few attorneys that I respect as people, and who are good members of the church. I honestly just think they chose a rotten profession. But this week a neighbor of mine (who happens to be a lawyer) came in quite handy for me. To get the whole story, I have to go back to mid December of last year...

I was driving home from my sister's house, coasting down a long hill, when I saw it. Those dreaded flashing red and blue lights in my rear-view mirror. Aaahhh! I found a spot to pull over, and awaited my fate. The police officer came to my window and asked for my license and registration. I dug through my bag for my wallet to get my license, and then began the hunt through the glove box for my registration and proof of insurance. Registration, check. Proof of insurance, nowhere to be found. At least not a current one. Uuggg! Why hadn't we put our current one in the car?!?! He took what I had and told me to bring him the current one when I found it. I searched the entire contents three times to no avail. So I got out to go tell him I didn't have it with me, when Miss Priss starts freaking out. "No, mom!!! Please, don't go!!! I don't want you to go to jail!!! Please, don't leave us!" What the? Oh, yes. In all my brilliantness of being such a good mom, I had previously told my four-year-old that if you're not following the rules and don't have your seatbelts on in the car, the police will come take them away from me. Never thought that one would backfire on me. Like I said, brilliant.

I assured her that I would be right back, and headed out. When I got back in the car, she was in hysterics, crying so hard that she made Devil Child (who had no clue what was going on) start crying. I tried to make her stop, but the police officer was trying to talk to me at the same time. I said, "I'm sorry, my daughter thinks you're taking me to jail." He was so rude and just said, "Tell her you're fine." Thanks. I'm trying to hear what he's explaining to me, and all I'm getting is, "... speeding, blah, blah, blah, take care of it at home if you have the internet, blah, blah. You have to wait for blah, blah processing, so don't try to take care of it before then. Blah, blah date on your ticket. Blah, blah, blah, huge favor by reducing, blah, blah. You need to be safer with kids, blah, blah, blah." Whatever. I can't believe I've just gotten a speeding ticket. I haven't gotten a speeding ticket since I was in college. As he's leaving and I'm rolling up my window, I say, "Merry Christmas to you, too." I thought maybe in the spirit of the season I would have gotten off with a warning. No such luck.

I came home totally pissed off and feeling really dumb. I hated having to tell The Man that I just cost us who knows how much money, right at Christmastime, for being a retarded driver. He was good about it. He just said he was glad that this time it was me that screwed up, since he always feels like it's him. I laughed. I checked out the date at the bottom of my ticket, and it said January 4th. I thought, "that's a long time to have to wait for processing before I can get this taken care of," but that's what he had said to me, so I put it in a drawer and made a mental note to not worry about it until after New Year's.

I pulled it out again on Jan. 7th and found the website so I could take care of it over the internet like I was instructed. The website was all too confusing for my totally computer-savvy mind, so I looked for a phone number instead. I called and finally got ahold of a live person, who informed me that I was supposed to be in court on January 4th, and since missing my court date, there were two late fees added, to bring my total to $330!!! Now, the speeding ticket was for going 40 in a 35. That can't be right, you say, but I assure you it is. Five miles over the speed limit (no school zone, no construction zone) plus two late fees will cost you $330 in our great city. And that's not the best part! For missing my court date, there was now a warrant out for my arrest!!! Great. Now I'm not only a lousy driver, I'm a freaking fugitive. Me.

Then she tells me since I don't work, I can do 48 hours of community service instead of paying the fine. I say, "What do you mean, like picking up trash on the freeway?" She says, "No, they have a number of different things in the work program." I tell her no thanks, I'm in my last trimester of my pregnancy, and I'm not EVEN about to make myself look like a detainee from our local prison by completing their "work program." I'll just suck it up and pay the money. She tells me when to be down at the courthouse, and two days later, there I was.

I asked the lady at the desk if I was going to be able to talk to someone; a judge, an attorney, someone to plead my case to. I figured at the very least I could get the fine reduced a little. She literally laughed at me. After inquiring a little further, I found that if I were to plead not guilty, they would set a pretrial date, and I would get to see a judge. So even though I knew I WAS guility, I plead not guilty, figuring this was my only chance to talk to someone about it. I had another month to wait, and to prepare my case. As the time got closer, I realized my doctor had scheduled an appointment on the same day, so I called the court to see if I could postpone my court date a day or two. They said absolutely not, it's already on the judge's calendar, and there is no way to change it. I tried explaining that I was having complications in my pregnancy, and that I couldn't miss this doctor's appointment. All she said was, "Sorry. If you don't show up, there will be a bench warrant out for your arrest." At this point I'm thinking, that's nothing new. So I said, "Okay. So my choice is either to take care of my unborn baby, or have a warrant out for my arrest?" With no sympathy at all (I can hardly blame her, as I'm sure she hears every excuse under the sun), she said there was no way to change it.

I was stuck. I didn't know what to do. I turned to the only person I could think of that might stand a chance helping me out. The attorney who lives next door. I called him up and explained the situation, and he said, "I'm on my way home right now. I'll come over and pick up your ticket and get it taken care of. Don't you worry about a thing. There will be no bench warrant out for you. Your baby is more important." I've never been more happy to know an attorney. He came back over last night to let us know that it's all been resolved, no warrant, no points on my record, and I just need to pay $75. Thank heavens.

Funny thing is, if the ticket had only been $75 to begin with, I would have been totally mad that it cost that much. But now, after this whole ordeal, I can honestly say that I will gladly throw this $75 of our hard-earned money down the drain, and I'll do it with a smile on my face. Even funnier, I still don't like attorneys. Well, except for one.

P.S. In case anyone is interested, the Baby Boy crib bedding won the vote, and I purchased it yesterday. I was a little sad to be giving up the Mod Squad design, but I truly loved them both, and I'm happy with your decision! Can't wait to get it here and finish up this nursery!

Ten days and counting ....